In the grand scheme of things, the concept of emotional intelligence has not been around for a long time. It was first coined in 1990 by researchers Peter Salovey and John Mayer in their article “Emotional Intelligence”. In it, they posited that there are a certain set of skills that help express and regulate emotions.1 Five years later, it gained popularity when Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, published his book, “Emotional Intelligence”. Since then, it has been applied to different contexts. Among these, one of the most dynamic is the connection between emotional intelligence and relationships.
What is emotional intelligence?
Also known as EQ or emotional quotient, emotional intelligence “concerns the ability to carry out accurate reasoning about emotions and the ability to use emotions and emotional knowledge to enhance thought”2 I would simplify this definition as a person’s ability to identify and manage emotions, not just for themselves but also in others.
There are some experts, including Goleman, who believe that emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence (IQ) when it comes to achieving success.3 The reasoning behind this is IQ tests usually take a narrow view of intelligence, such as book smarts or stock knowledge, instead of looking at the full capabilities of a person. On the other hand, critics of emotional intelligence think it cannot be evaluated using psychometric tests, which are scientific methods to measure a person’s mental and behavioral capabilities.
In any case, emotions are an important part of a person’s life. Think of your typical day and the range of emotions you experience. They can be short-lived, such as annoyance over a minor inconvenience. The emotion can also be enduring, like regret over certain life choices. But these are more than just feelings. They help drive actions and help you make decisions.4
When it comes to dealing with others, emotional intelligence and relationships are linked. Having a better understanding of emotional intelligence can set you up for greater success. After all, learning how to manage emotions can lead to better behavior and feelings of well-being.
What are the components of emotional intelligence?
According to Salovey and Mayer, the four components that make up emotional intelligence are perceiving emotions, reasoning using emotions, understanding emotions, and managing emotions.5 The researchers arranged them according to complexity. Perceiving emotions is the most basic while managing emotions requires the most effort.
1. Perceiving Emotions
The simplest part of emotional intelligence is perceiving them correctly. This is done by identifying the emotions using cues from body language, facial expressions, and even tone of voice. For example, someone who bites their fingernails can indicate they are feeling nervous or anxious.
2. Reasoning with Emotions
The next level of emotional intelligence is using emotions to prioritize reactions and consequently, actions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize that people who are extremely angry can be dangerous and remove themselves from the situation without waiting for further proof.
3. Understanding Emotions
Emotions are not always clearly defined. In fact, the emotions we see can mean different things depending on who perceives them. For instance, a person who sees someone angry must decipher what the anger is about. A child throwing a tantrum does not always mean that they are with the parent. They could be sleepy, sick, or wanting something. The anger might also stem from an underlying issue that needs professional assessment. A person with high emotional intelligence can evaluate the emotion behind the behavior.
4. Managing Emotions
The highest level of emotional intelligence is managing emotions. A concrete way to put this is that a person with high emotional intelligence takes time to evaluate a situation before reacting. They know that emotions are temporary, so they do not make decisions or engage right away, particularly in an emotionally charged event. However, this does not mean shutting down emotions in decision-making. On the contrary, Salovey and Mayer emphasize that emotion should be included in the thought process. Managing it just means knowing when to be open to the emotional information when it is necessary, and closing it off when it is not.6
Emotional Intelligence and Relationships in a Social Setting
People with high emotional intelligence are able to use emotions in their behaviors. In a study on emotional intelligence and relationships, researchers sampled college students to see how emotional intelligence and personality are associated with the quality of their interpersonal relationships. It was discovered that those who managed their emotions well were more likely to describe their relationships with others, including parents and close friends, as positive experiences.7
One reason why emotional intelligence influences relationships is that emotional intelligence requires empathy. In Psychology Today, it is discussed that the ability to recognize and share the feelings of another is key to establishing relationships.
A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathize with others. This often involves considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation. In short, you are able to consider the other person’s feelings and experiences and can act appropriately.
Emotional Intelligence and Relationships at Work
In research conducted by Mayer, Salovey, and David Caruso, they pinpoint that there is a positive link between customer relations and emotional intelligence.8 The results of this study are echoed in the field of service workers. A study showed highly intelligent employees can result in customer satisfaction and loyalty.9 In both cases, emotional intelligence created an environment that fosters good communication.
Healthcare is another work situation where the importance of emotional intelligence becomes more glaring. Authors Estelle Codier and David Codier examined the role of emotional intelligence in patient safety. They noted that 80 percent of medical errors are due to miscommunication. Because emotional intelligence leads to effective communication, it has been called “one of the largest drivers of patient safety.”10
It is not just certain industries that benefit from emotional intelligence. Aside from being a good communicator, a person who has high emotional intelligence is self-aware, adaptable, and relationship-builders — traits which are useful in professional situations.
Improving Emotional Intelligence
There are some people who naturally have strong emotional intelligence. They are attuned to emotions without much effort. Some, however, may need to work on it. Fortunately, there is evidence that emotional intelligence can be developed. In fact, a study showed training could improve the emotional abilities of employees.11
Harvard University suggests three steps people can take to improve their emotional intelligence. These are recognizing your emotions, asking for feedback, and reading literature to improve empathy. At its core, there is a need to be intentional with emotions if the goal is to improve your emotional intelligence.
Conclusion: The Influence of Emotional Intelligence over Relationships
There are several factors that prop up emotional intelligence. These are perceiving emotions, reasoning with emotions, understanding emotions, and managing emotions. When these are present, people tend to be effective communicators, empathic, and measured in their responses. These characteristics are useful in maintaining relationships, especially during difficult situations, because they lead to healthy behavior.
In contrast, low emotional intelligence means that the person has difficulty expressing and understanding emotions. There can also be poor emotional regulation leading to undesirable or destructive reactions.
Relationships bloom when there is a good connection between the participants. Whether in personal or professional settings, people can improve their emotional intelligence by being more in tune with their emotions and receptive to others’ feelings as well.
Cited Sources
- Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1989-1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185–211. https://doi.org/10.2190/DUGG-P24E-52WK-6CDG ↩︎
- Mayer, J. D., Roberts, R. D., & Barsade, S. G. (2008). Human abilities: Emotional intelligence. Annual Review of Psychology, 59, 507-536. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.59.103006.093646 ↩︎
- Goleman D. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Random House; 2012. ↩︎
- Lerner JS, Li Y, Valdesolo P, Kassam KS. Emotion and decision making. Annu Rev Psychol. 2015;66:799-823. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115043 ↩︎
- Salovey P, Mayer J. Emotional Intelligence. Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. 1990;9(3):185-211. ↩︎
- Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., Caruso, D. R., & Cherkasskiy, L. (2011). Emotional intelligence. In R. J. Sternberg & S. B. Kaufman (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of intelligence (pp. 528–549). Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9780511977244.027 ↩︎
- Lopes, P., Salovey, P., & Straus, R. (2003). Emotional intelligence, personality, and the perceived quality of social relationships, Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 35, Issue 3, 641-658. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0191-8869(02)00242-8. ↩︎
- Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2004). Emotional intelligence: Theory, findings and implications. Psychological Inquiry, 15(3), 197-215. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1503_02 ↩︎
- Hennig-Thurau T, Groth M, Paul M, Gremler DD. Are all smiles created equal? How emotional contagion and emotional labor affect service relationships. J Mark. 2006;70:58–73. ↩︎
- Codier E, Codier D. A model for the role of emotional intelligence in patient safety. Asia Pac J Oncol Nurs. 2015 Apr-Jun;2(2):112-117. doi: 10.4103/2347-5625.157594. PMID: 27981102; PMCID: PMC5123476. ↩︎
- Gilar-Corbi R, Pozo-Rico T, Sánchez B, Castejón JL. Can emotional intelligence be improved? A randomized experimental study of a business-oriented EI training program for senior managers. PLoS One. 2019;14(10):e0224254. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0224254 ↩︎